I was stumbling just the other day, as I am thoroughly and utterly addicted to that damn button, and found a really interesting site. As you all know by now, if you read my Shock Videos Cause Whiplash post, that I am a big fucking chicken. However, you also know that that never stops me in seeking out spooky, scary things.

Anyhowser this site, James Randi Educational Foundation, apparently offers a million dollars to anyone who can prove the paranormal to be real. They have certain procedures you must follow and certain criteria has to be met — blah, blah, blah. No one has won the million.

So, they have this forum where they list all of the Challenge Applicants with any communications and then sometimes a video of them attempting the challenge. Immediately, as I perused the list of challengers, my eyes landed on the most interesting two words put together that I’ve seen in a long, long time.

Paranormal Urination. Wtf?!!

Of course I had to click on it, are you fucking kidding me?

My mind was already swirling with wonderment on how urination, other than pissing yourself because you are terrified, could have anything to do with paranormal activity. I mean, when you heard those two words together weren’t you wondering immediately where in the hell is this pee going to come from? And, where exactly would it be landing?

Okay. Maybe it was just crazy little ol’ me.

Anyhowser, I clicked. And I have to tell you, when I first started reading the provided information, I really thought it might totally be on the up and up.   I mean, I certainly thought I was going to pee my pants —

Now they initially provide you with a brief summary of the Challenge Applicants alleged ability.  I’ve quoted it here so you can see for yourself why I had to make a mad dash to the bathroom.

ROSEMARY HUNTER - Paranormal Urination
Rosemary Hunter has applied for the Challenge, media presence requirement included, with the extraordinary claim that she can make people urinate themselves with the power of her mind.

Ms. Hunter has also presented an affidavit from an academic, however in this demonstration, she made the individual cry uncontrollably with the power of her mind.

Ms. Hunter’s article (which is no longer available on the newspaper’s web site) was written by Mike Seuffert of Sun News.

Mr. Seuffert invited Rosemary to take him to a park and attempt to make him urinate. Mr. Seuffert stopped the demonstration when he began to feel strange and ill.

Ms. Hunter says this ability is a gift from God, and that she is one of His angels.

We’ll be posting more information as it becomes available!

~Remie

For the sake of keeping this post at a little less than a mile long, we will skip the part where she supposedly makes someone bawl like a baby and took some dude to the park so he could pee on himself in public — around children…

Let’s just zoom in on the second to last line, shall we?

Ms. Hunter says this ability is a gift from God, and that she is one of His angels.

(laughing hysterically)  Hehehe…you crazy fuck!  Okay.  Le’s say God is feeling generous and decides to hand out some gifts to a few special individuals.  Does he give you the ability to make a blind man see?  Nooooooooo.  Does he give you the ability to make the crippled walk again?  Noooooooo.  You believe he reserved his most awesome-est of all gifts, telepathic golden showers, for an Angel like you.

He gave you the ability to make someone urinate on themselves?!!

HAHAHA    You have got to be fucking kidding me, right?!!

Though, I must admit, I’m still curious as to how she came to the conclusion that she has this ability.  I mean, if she can allegedly do this using the power of her mind, then that means at some point in time she had to be actually consciously sitting around with, oh whoever, and trying to will them to take pisses on themselves.  And they did.  Right?

That or maybe she just scared the livin’ shit out of several people and they pissed themselves and she just naturally assumed, as so many of us would, it must be her “calling”; her gift from God!

Sadly, she wasn’t able to use her gifts that day.  I guess golden showers from God are not to be taken lightly.  She failed.

Which really fucking sucks!  I admit that I think it would have been hilarious if the researcher had actually pissed himself.  Can you imagine the press on this?  I mean, it’s not every day that someone wins a million dollars, but for this ability?  I wonder how they would have covered the story?

Man, with people like this in the world I’m feeling saner by the minute!

Anyhowser, if she could really cause people to piss all over themselves it certainly wouldn’t be attributable to a gift from God.  PLEASE people, stop attributing such ridiculous fucking nonsense to God!

God doesn’t give a shit if you won the State Championships.

God doesn’t give a shit if you won the lottery.

And, though it would probably be a really cool and funny ability to have, God doesn’t give a shit whether you can make someone piss themselves with your mind!

You can vote for Cup Of Snarky by clicking over to Humor Bloggers.  And sorry, no, this cannot be done telepathically!

Tags: angels, blind, Calvin and Hobbes, Challenge Applicants, crazy fuck, crippled, Cup Of Snarky Golden Showers Headline, gift from God, give a shit, God, golden showers, humor, Humor Bloggers, humor-blogs, James Randi Educational Foundation, JREF, lottery, Million Dollar Challenge, pee, piss, power of the mind, press, Rosemary Hunter, Shock Videos Cause Whiplash, state championships, telepathic, urinate

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 2nd, 2008 at 10:52 am and is filed under Daily Crazy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.