Are you ready to be Snarkyfied? Well, the best place to start your journey is by visiting my About page and FAQ. You can find out how deliciously demented I truly am.
This blog is exactly what happens when they let just any nut job who can type have a blog!No Room For Negotiation!
October 10th, 2008 by angieSS
Humor Bloggers Humor Carnival
Etta-Rose, over at Edge Of Sanity, is graciously hosting the first ever Humor Bloggers Humor Carnival. And so, as not to get my ass kicked by her, I mean because I’m really excited to be a part of it, I figured I better start writing my submission.
Now, I’m supposed to write about “rules my parents made up” and this should be really easy, cause my parents fucking loved rules. I seriously believe that sometimes they would even make them up on the fly just to fuck with our heads!
I should probably just stick with the top three that came up the most often. Otherwise, this post will go on for days!
#1 Do As I Say, Not As I Do
C’mon. You know immediately that parents that had this rule totally knew they were going to do all kinds of bad things that their kids would see and they were going to tell their kids not to do those very same things. “Hmmm…how can we explain this discrepancy to our children? Oh, I know. Let’s not even bother coming up with a valid explanation. Let’s just say do as I say, not as I do. Aww, honey you are so clever!”
#2 You Have To Eat Everything On Your Plate
Now this was just down right cruel sometimes. There were so many things my Mom would make that I absolutely found vile. Believe me, there was no mercy shown in this house. There were many times that I would have to choke down some disgusting food, gagging the whole time. For example, I absolutely HATE Sauerkraut. My siblings and I actually called it SauerCrap. And for some reason, my Mom would cook SauerCrap and Weiners all the fucking time. Oh, and guess what? She didn’t make us eat the SauerCrap. But guess what again? Any fucking thing you cook in the same pot as SauerCrap —- tastes like fucking SauerCrap!!!
#3 Days Grounded Equals Minutes Past Curfew
God, can you believe what hard-asses my Mom and Dad were. Sheesh, eight minutes and there goes an entire week and a day. Oh, and don’t think if you got grounded on Saturday at 10:08pm that you would be ungrounded on the next Saturday. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not with my Mom and Dad. You would be grounded until the next Saturday until exactly 10:08pm — And of course, your curfew was 10pm. The whole weekend shot to hell because of eight fucking minutes!
So you see, I wasn’t kidding at all. My parents just made this shit up as they went.
And guess what? Now that I’m a parent – I use rule #1 all the fucking time!
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Tags: Dad, do as I say not as I do, eat everything on your plate, grounded, hard asses, humor, humor bloggers humor carnival, Mom, parenting, Rules, rules parents made up, Sauerkraut
October 10th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Hi. I am a long time reader. I wanted to say that I like your blog and the layout.
Peter Quinn
October 10th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Ahh the rules..not the rules….yummy Sauerkraut….
October 11th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Snarky…you rock
How about, “no singing at the dinner table…or the hawk will come and bite your face off”?
Yeah, life was fun growing up
October 11th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
[...] No Room For Negotiation! [...]
October 11th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
It’s a well known fact that people just have kids for vengeance so you’re on the right path with #1! ;op
October 12th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
my mom was a big believer in #2. I spent many hours sitting at the table after everyone else was done trying NOT to finish whatever undesirable thing was still on my plate. I think I even tried to get the cat to eat my veggies for me!
October 13th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Rules are much easier nowadays. You can buy the whole rule kit from Costco. Comes with all known rules and various items for supporting them.
Good post.
October 14th, 2008 at 11:00 am
lol..love this one..My parents were hard asses to, my father being a cop did not help things. I am a parent to and same as you..#1 is a huge rule in my house..lol…
October 14th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
These days the only one punished by grounding is the parent. Here they are in the house underfoot all day and evening and your opportunities for middle-aged sex are out the window. Who has the energy after 11 o’clock anyway?
Then you have the endless negotiations: “does this mean I can’t drive to school? I might have fun on the way home”.
Instead, I just threaten to take away the keys and then allow him to negotiate down to doing onerous chores that my wife has assigned to me. Win-Win!
I’d stumble this, but there is no button. Whatzwithdat? Get some feedburner love and put in the FeedFlare plugin! I got 98 hits from Don’s stumble on me!