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This blog is exactly what happens when they let just any nut job who can type have a blog!Men, Could You Please Hit The Hole?!!
November 3rd, 2008 by angieSSAnd no, not that hole. Sheesh. You do manage to hit that one pretty well, though not always, but that’s a whole other story.
Anyhowser, I’m talking about the toilet.
Look, I’ve got three guys here at home and their half of the toilet is simply a disgrace. And I simply don’t get it!
I mean, you’ve got this dangily to grasp onto, aim, and shoot. What seems to be the problem? As far as I’m concerned if you have the talent to piss your name in the snow, well then, you shouldn’t have any problems hitting a 1ft.x1ft. target!
But you do, don’t you? You guys will pee all over the rim and down the front of the toilet and on the floor. And sometimes you don’t even take the time to lift the seat so you get it on the seat too! Yah, we know.
You know how we know? Cause we end up fucking sitting in it!!!
Sheesh. When I have a doctor’s appointment that involves a urine analysis they give me this tiny fucking cup and tell me to pee in it. 
Guess what? I do! And I don’t get it all over the cup or my hands. I do all of this down between my legs where I can hardly fucking see the cup and still manage to hit my little 2in.x2in. target.
So, what is the real problem here? Do you get bored and start looking around while you’re peeing and then start peeing in that direction? Is it something deep like contemplating your life and you just zone out? Is it laziness and the fact that someone else usually cleans the toilet makes it easier to not pay attention? Or do you just close your eyes and hope for the best? I mean, wtf?!!!
I’m telling you, this is the reason that we women always want you to put the seat up when you start, and down when you are finished. We don’t want to have to sit in your pee pee and we sure as hell don’t want to look at the pee pee riddled rim.
C’mon guys. Are we going to have to put a booby bullseye in the bottom of the toilet and make it a game for you?
If for no other reason than you love the woman in your life, could you try harder to hit the hole? Or at least wipe your misses up with toilet paper?
I mean, it is right there — just inches away!
If you don’t at least make an attempt, I’m really afraid for you. I think that soon there may be a “grodie toilet” uprising the likes we have never seen. Some of you may not survive. Just a heads up!
And if you are thinking, “Wow Angie, you seem a little snarkier than usual”. You’d be right. Cause it’s toilet cleaning day and I can’t find my damn gas mask!!!
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Tags: clean toilet, humor, lift the seat, men, miss the toilet, snarky, toilet
November 3rd, 2008 at 12:11 pm
They are all just animals. It’s great.
November 3rd, 2008 at 12:51 pm
This is by far the best “Men can’t hit the toilet” post I have ever seen!
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Lol…I always hit. Then again, I usually clean the bathroom too. There’s your motivating factor. You miss, you clean. It’ll never happen again.
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:27 pm
I’ll hit the hole, but that water sure is deep. It’s cold too!
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:20 pm
I solved this problem long ago.Pee on their pillow one night,and when they jump up yelling and screaming about it,explain to them you’ll try to pee in the toilet if they do. Trust me you only have to pee on that pillow once. Men can be quick learners,it’s just how you teach it to them.
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Honestly - we are rockstars with the whole Dr. sample cup.
Thanks for the Digg-Stumble!!!! You are my new BFF!
November 3rd, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Ummm, I don’t clean toilet. They freak me out. So I am off the hook when it comes to cleaning up after there snakes. As far as the Dr. cup..I am not very good at that..I will admit.
November 3rd, 2008 at 7:29 pm
@ Chelle
Okay — so they’re cute, but you are right — they are animals!
@ Albert
Awww shucks. Thank you so much!
@ Jim
Oh, I am so putting a sign up over the toilet. “You miss, You clean” — genius you are!
November 3rd, 2008 at 7:33 pm
@ RedRaider
You such a naughty boy!
@ thinkinfyou
LMFAO Surely, I have balls enough to try this, right?!!
@ HappyHourSue
We are truly brilliant in our accuracy! And you are welcome, girlfriend!
@ Jamie
First — lucky you girlfriend!
Second — totally forget what I just said to Sue up there…hehehe
November 3rd, 2008 at 8:18 pm
i was going to say it’s not a matter of aim… once a test shot is fired it’s right on target after that.
I was going to say that.. but doing so would only get heavy objects thrown at me.
I’ll try harder I swear, as long as ya’ll can find a place for those monthly packages where the dogs wont get ‘em.
November 3rd, 2008 at 8:23 pm
@dadthedude
LMAO You’re so lucky. I was just fixin’ to throw a heavy object — whew! And that’s a deal — I always forget about those little icky packages. I’m guessin’ you guys don’t!
November 3rd, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Oh my God, I think you’re right about them just getting distracted by something shiny and they can’t turn at the waist, so they start peeing on the wall. I mean, having to stand there 30 seconds? Boooooooring!
November 3rd, 2008 at 9:52 pm
One of my biggest problems in my house. I swear no one wants to pee in the bathroom anymore. I’d rather piss outside.
November 3rd, 2008 at 10:13 pm
That boobs bull’s eye is pure brilliance! That should be a mandatory toilet for men’s restrooms, and any place where men and women cohabit together. Gay men may not respond well to the boobies, but many of them may already be aiming correctly. I don’t know the scientific data on that one.
Anyway, when I’m president, there will be boobies in all the toilets.
November 3rd, 2008 at 10:55 pm
It is a common male deficiency which is normally caused by at least one (but, often all three) of the following:
1. Bleary-eyed mornings
2. Beer
3. Total disregard for the cleanliness of our surroundings.
November 3rd, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Oh yeah! Another reason I’ve given up living with men.
November 4th, 2008 at 6:54 am
This is why I pee in the shower.
November 4th, 2008 at 7:53 am
@Margaret(Nanny Goats)
I know,right? 30 seconds is a long time to hold a man’s attention — that’s why I thought “BOOBS”.
@Dani
Oh, how I know the feeling.
@Starcasm
Hahaha Damn, never saw the flaw in the whole “booby” plan. D’oh!
November 4th, 2008 at 7:57 am
@DeadRooster
Awww…William, I knew I could count on honest from you. Do you think the booby bullseye would help in any of these situations?
@chat blanc
Yes, if you have that option.
I don’t. Alas, I must try to keep pee pee palace from becoming a total cesspool.
@Broke But Still Drinking
LMFAO You made me spew my soda. Hmmmm…wonder if I should be cleaning the shower more regularly. If you’ve thought of it, I’m sure my guys have too!
November 4th, 2008 at 9:40 am
FYI - if you put booby targets in the toilet, it’s not pee you should be worried about sitting in.
November 4th, 2008 at 9:48 am
@Mooooooog,
Ewwwwwwwwwwww You mean I wouldn’t just get stuck in the wet spot in bed, I’d have to deal with it in the bathroom too?!!!
Damn, what other target is there that will keep a man’s attention, but not make him horny? hmmm….beer?
November 4th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
The worst, to me, is the gentle “mist” I didn’t know was there until I sat down..just not a good feeling. Why can’t they just pee outside?
November 4th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
That’s why I always pee in the garden. Less arguments except in the spring when I tell her she’s doing something wrong because all the plants keep dying…
November 4th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Here here…I second this post…I really wish my men in this house would aim right and clean their mess up to..I have four of them in this house..okay well one is still in diapers..but I will be cleaning up his messes on the toilet soon enough…I think they forget to hold and aim sometimes…
November 4th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
@eve
Hmmm…I’m wondering if we could entice them to do that?! I mean go outside, not mist.
@VE
LOL I would totally let you kill my plants if it keeps the bathroom clean.
@Tiffiney
Wow, you must need two gas masks, double gloves, and a long, long toilet brush.
November 4th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
dude, if you put a booby bulls-eye in the john, you’ll never get them out of the bathroom!
November 5th, 2008 at 7:48 am
I find the sink is closer and you don’t miss nearly as often.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:01 am
@ Bee
LOL Yah, I can see where this could pose a problem!
@ Bill
And we women don’t sit on the sink so no problems there. However, I would probably have to move the toothbrushes.
November 5th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
I think men like to believe they can hit the bulls-eye with no hands, like it is some kind of video game or something.
As far as the seat up thing, my fiancé brought up a good point. Why do the men have to lift the seat, and the women get pissed if they have to? His female family members would get pissed if he put the seat and lid down because they had to lift something.
I think that is a fair compromise, to say that the seat & lid need to be put down. Especially if you have pets.. make him do it for their safety from drowning.
~ Kristi
November 7th, 2008 at 12:13 am
Haha! Cool…. We are ranting about the same shit.. LOL!
The only thing I do currently now is that… I will always lift the seat up after I use.. Cos if I leave it down after, these guys will just piss on them. They can’t be bothered to lift it up! So now, I make it a habit to bring it up every time without fail! =)
Cashmere’s last blog post..Why Can’t Guys Pee Properly??!!!